Here and Now Reflection

I almost felt like I could have just stopped reading after chapter 1 because I felt so convicted about not living in the here and now and I know that that will be a continual and quite difficult struggle. The future always seems so more more exciting, there's always so much to think about, analyze, and learn from the past, but the present can seem really redundant and become routine.  I know that plenty of days I've allowed myself to go on autopilot because I just tell myself that this day will go the same way it went yesterday and quite frankly it just seems easier. Reflecting on the chapter the verse ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 5:34) kept on popping in my head. "trouble..." I saw that as all of the opportunities that I was missing to be the light of God to others... rather I took the easy way out and just pushed the cruise control button and avoided it all together.

When Nouwen pointed out that the 3 answers we generally live--not necessarily give are: "We are what we do, we are what others say about us, and we are what we have," I was just thinking to myself, kinda, yes, and kinda but not so much. My biggest struggle out of these 3 points is putting an enormous amount of weight on what others say about me.  As I'm finishing my training at Kohl's, I've been thinking a lot about the manager that I'm going to become.  I'm all about trying to represent Jesus' leadership which can be labeled servant leadership, all except for the rebuking part... That was such an important character of Jesus but oh, is it hard to do.  I want to be the cool boss that people get along with. Not the mean one that people talk about while my back is turned... This is something I continue to meditate on. I know he'll give me the strength to be a leader that He wants me to be since He has an excellent track record in my life...