Ever since this past Thursday, I've been sick with the flu to the point where I did not get out of bed until Monday, and when I attempted to work on Tuesday for 2 hours, I ended up realizing that my body sometime within those hours broke out in hives (like 80% of my entire body). The doctor says it'll take another week to fully heal and to get rid of the symptoms but today I finally was able to go to work and feel pretty good, actually great! It's nice to be out of bed and catching up on what all my fellow slices are up to =)
Even tho I feel like this sickness "set me back" in that I couldn't get much reading done, I missed a meeting and lunch, I feel a new sense of drive I guess you can say about Circles and the desire to honor my commitment in it.
So, around the time of my last blog about feeling blah, I've been really tempted to make excuses and drop my commitment to Circles. Honestly, a big reason is that for some weird reason, I get anxious and REALLY uncomfortable when I'm in a situation where I'm surrounded by a lot strangers, and yes this includes the Circles group as ashamed as I am to say it (since I haven't physically spoken to a lot of you still, I guess that's how you're still labeled in my brain). I'm the type of person that likes to build close friendships and take hours to get to know someone rather than make acquaintances so if there's a party or group of more than like 5 strangers, I start to panic (of course, my fear is all hidden internally)... I just feel weird and get uncomfortable having only topical conversations with people that last less than 2 minutes. The second reason is the my non-regular work schedule. Inevitably, I'll have to miss some Saturdays, and maybe more than 1 a month and setting up a mentor/mentee schedule will be a hassle, so I don't want to look like a flake to the College ministry/Circles or make it difficult for my mentor/mentee. . . So yeah, there are a lot of excuses that have been running through my mind that have gotten me to think about dropping my commitment...
BUT...
All I can say is that I think the extra time I spent talking to God during this past week must've done something to me and got me excited about fellow shipping with others =) And really, aside from physically, I must've really been sick to think that departing from this amazing opportunity that Circles offers in getting to fellowship and share in discussions with awesome Christians that I probably would've have gotten to meet otherwise, was a good idea. I'm glad I feel better now =)
Unfortunately, I can't make it again this Saturday =( because of my work schedule but luckily my boss has been gracious enough to try to make it work for most other Saturdays.
Praying for you dear, praying that you will be all healed. Matthew 11:28
ReplyDeleteso glad to hear you are feeling better. thanks for being open about your struggles with circles and opening up to people. sometimes forced social situations can be awkward but as you honor your own fears and have faith that God is there with you it can be so worth it.
ReplyDeletewe'll miss ya saturday!
:) I'm excited. Can we please sit down and have a 5 hour long conversation over a fabulous meal? Its my kinda style too. Can't wait to see you. Praying for your week and continuous healing and excitement.
ReplyDeleteI echo what the other girls have said. I tend to shy away from awkward social situations as well but have found some very special connections and encouragment from others when I push past my insecurity. I am so glad you are choosing to push through this...praying for your continued healing.
ReplyDeleteWhen you're back we'll welcome you with open arms. I'm glad the commitment is solidified for you. That's a good place to be.
ReplyDeleteI want to join you and Corinne's 5 hr long conversation! =) Glad your feeling better and glad that you are hanging in there and not giving up on the Circle journey. We would miss you!!
ReplyDeleteJenny...I have missed you at circles! I'm so happy that you are not quitting, I can't wait for you to come back and get to know you more. I'll be praying that you continue to feel better and are back to your healthy self.
ReplyDeletejenny, yay. i'm glad you're not dropping the commitment because i really loved our conversation a few weeks ago. i just think you're cool. sorry, that sounds silly, but it's true, haha. i'm stoked to see people CHOOSING circles after going through the struggle of figuring out whether or not to stick with it. like nick benoit said recently, the kinda warm, fuzzy feelings are wearing off, and now the real work kicks in. but this is where change happens and wear God works. love seeing it. i'm getting sick too, i think :( feel better, sweet thing!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand your anxiety with Circles. I feel that way about being super honest with a bunch of strangers (I feel you on this too... the whole strangers concept, no offense). we're all in this together. that's what I keep thinking. and it's true.
ReplyDeleteI want to be included in the 5 hour lunch with Corinne and Charity! I would love to get to know you over coffee or something when you are feeling better. I can't wait to be able to talk to you one on one and get to know you. God has great plans for you in Circles! I can't wait to see what they are!
ReplyDeleteI saw you on Sunday! I completely forgot to say hi - I was distracted by something else...sorry! And I'm glad you're staying with us!
ReplyDeleteGlad you have reconsidered your intentions of leaving us! I know it can be hard to be open and honest with people you do not know, but God is here in all of this so go ahead give it a try!
ReplyDeleteI missed you Jenny! I am praying for healing and that you will feel at ease when you do come back--both about the group and with the commitment of Circles! We miss you Jenny!
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