If there's one thing to be said about Asian parents, its that they always look to the future, the long term. I think they feel that if you are content with where you're at, then you will just plateau and not seek to grow or want to improve or go to the next level.
This is very frustrating. I feel like when I'm constantly focused on my plan and adding to my plan, I don't leave room for God's plan. I want to leave room for God's plan and trust him but its hard with my parents and siblings pushing the importance of having a plan (I live at home). Because of this difference, my parents and I will rub each other the wrong way and I'll find myself getting so angry and frustrated at them inside which upsets me too because I don't want to dishonor my parents. I'm also a little confused about that as well... Where is that balance of honoring/dishonoring our parents and honoring/dishonoring God?
Literally about an hour ago, my mom was talking to me about getting into a medical program. Currently I'm in the Manager in Training program at Kohl's and I enjoy it so far although I'm still getting use to the weird hours. They've said a few times that they're happy that I got a job out of school but its mostly when I mention it first but otherwise, they're always asking me about whether I've looked into the medical program and how that seeking process is going. When they bring up the medical school, I get so upset because I'm perfectly happy where I am and feel that God has me here for a reason, but rather than share that joy or show approval, they talk about the next step.
My whole life I've been seeking my parents approval and by now I thought I would've gotten it. Luckily as I started college, I began having a real relationship with Jesus (before, as a Catholic, I only knew of him), so I've been really blessed to finally have that feeling of contentment because of God's amazing love and grace. At the same time, because of the way I've grown up, I still naturally put a great value on my parents approval. I'm having a really hard time balancing this relationship between my parents and the Lord. I feel like its either one or another. As I put more trust in the Lord, I get more upset at my parents whenever they talk to me about looking into the future, and as I seek approval from my parents, I am disappointed in myself that I am not leaving enough room for God to move in my life...
Jenny, thanks for being honest with where you're at with your family and in your situation. I think we are always called to respect our parents, but that doesn't necessarily mean we do exactly what they want for us. We treat them with respect not because they "deserve it", but because Christ calls us to be respectful and loving. It's not dependent on whether or not they deserve our respect or honor.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on getting into the training program! Pray for God to give you a rest or stir you up as to whether or not that's where he wants you. This will confirm or deny which direction God is moving. He seems to have provided this job for you, but if not, the Spirit is good at redirecting when we are in tune with him.
I'll be praying for you. I'm friends with Van, and I'm guessing he also has some Godly advice to give you. Thanks for being honest, see you soon.
This is a lot to process, no doubt, and I appreciate that you've been so honest about this struggle.
ReplyDelete"As I put more trust in the Lord, I get more upset at my parents whenever they talk to me about looking into the future, and as I seek approval from my parents, I am disappointed in myself that I am not leaving enough room for God to move in my life..."
Be careful about painting the situation too black and white. Trusting God with your future also means that you trust him with your relationship with your parents. Trust that he will move in your life and one of the ways he is going to do that is by helping you to navigate these tricky situations. No easy answers, but lots of reasons to be seeking God's wisdom.
Thank you Amanada and Nick, you are right. I am simplifying this a little to much... when I get emotional, my mind likes to quickly jump to conclusions and separate people or events into teams such as the good v bad team like I did with this situation...
ReplyDeleteYour observation seems so simple and obvious now that I think about it but thank you for pointing that out because I totally had my blinders on and could not see that for the life of me =)
I think the last paragraph of what Nick said is exactly what I would have said. God has the WHOLE picture... more than you or your parents/ siblings can plan in a lifetime. Trust Him, and He will allow you to respect your parents and see His will simultaneously. Rest in Him. :)
ReplyDeleteJenny. I too have dealt with the pressure of living up to my parents expectations. I would love to talk to you sometime about my experiences and also hear some of yours. I completely understand about placing value in your parents and caring about their thoughts regarding your life. I am very close to my family and finding that balance of trusting them vs. trusting what I feel God is saying to me can be tricky. But I agree with Nick 100%...continue seeking wisdom and God will work the rest out.
ReplyDeleteJenny it was really fun having lunch today with you. I may in fact had a bit too much fun, but I'm glad we got to really meet today.
ReplyDeleteI remember you saying that you and your bf can't really get married because you do not have your parents blessing. Just reading your blog I now totally see why this is the case for you. That must be really hard.
I struggle with the same type of thing with my girlfriends parents. I wish they let her be more free and she didn't have to "approve" things with them first. I always struggle with the question you asked as well. "Am I the one in the wrong here? Is my gf just fine?" its hard, I'm sorry.
I don't really have any advice, I just wanted to let you know I get it too. I loved your post.
Jenny--I would just like to encourage you through this difficult situation. Though it can be disouraging that you find yourself at odds with your parents, I'm really glad you have found the conviction to stand by your beliefs. It's really difficult to let go of what you want for your life--or in this case, what your parents want for you--and give it up to God's plan. The only thing you really can do is trust that God will show you the right path and I know that on some level your parents will begin to see how important that is for you. In this way perhaps God is using you as an example for your parents. I will most definitely pray for you in this because it will definitely not be an easy journey. I admire your courage and I want to encourage you to continue.
ReplyDeletejenny, i relate to a lot of this post, so thanks for articulating some of these feelings. it's benefitting me too :) i'm living with my parents again and applying to new schools and it can definitely feel overwhelming. i know i find myself getting defensive and upset as soon as they ask me about my plans.
ReplyDeletei'd just encourage you to be patient with them and focus on the scripture here:
"Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." James 4:13-15
i know shea really encouraged me with that scripture today and i wanted to pass it on in hopes that it would help you out too.
i'm so glad you're a part of this.
Jenny! Thank you so much for being open about where you at with your relationship with your family and your relationship with God. I totally understand the pressure the your parents can put on you and it def sucks! Continue to turn to God for strenght, guidence, and patience in daealing with your parents. He will show you the way :)
ReplyDeleteJust a post of encouragement! That is a tough situation and I have known and still know many people that have difficulties with their parents. Hang in there and keep us updated!
ReplyDeleteOk, I absolutly understand where you're at. My whole life I have strived just please my parents... In doing so I wound up lost, unhappy, and guess what? They weren't happy either. In followoing God's plan and listening to where He wants you to go is the most important thing. You can honor your parents and respect them and their opinions while following God's plan for you. For myself, I got to a point where I was just so honest with my parents. I told them that I understand and appreciate that they want the best for me but that I need to follow my heart and God will handle what needs to be done. I know my parents have their jusgements but there is no resentment. You also have to have confidence in your Father (above) that He will provide and He will not let you fail and He will lead you down a path to Him and that's ultimatly all that matters. You have to find contentment in knowing you're following Christ's plan for you. Ask God for peace while He leads you and understanding from your parents. I will be praying for you on this as well. "Cast your burdens unto the Lord and He will sustain you, He will never permit the righteous to slip and fall" Psalm 55:22. I live by this :)
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